River of Vengeance or Brotherhood
Sadness runs through me like a river of vengeance of molten hopes for self esteem and self assurance.
My fist is still clenched so is my jar as old wounds have been tempered with scratch back open by old crusty fears I had hoped were buried with the years of my adolescent the time warping experience that is still shaping my future.
The promise of belonging had been ripped out of me with all feelings my heart could muster in the early years when it dawned on me that I was one of them the ones they were taught to hate without knowing without understanding yet what they were calling everyone that seemed soft, gentle, sensitive, conscious, they called “Faggot”. The word is derived from the French word for cigarette the word that burned itself into my flesh that still feels the pain of it today.
Brotherhood was promised to my Christian soul but I was abandoned at the altar of equality and stamped as deviled, impure, not worthy of any ones love not even God’s love.
Brotherhood is one of those movies that hands out heavy handed material as if it is a gift and maybe it is but its packaging is anything but.
There is nothing to like about it and its characters slash actors as they are all flawed individuals and none of them are deserving our respect but that is not the point of this celluloid excerci9se. The movie lays out in pictures the conundrum of suppression and supremacy and its agitators who become mere puppets in a game of dogmatic idolatry and self delusion.
The human brain is built to know right from wrong but in an ironic twist of fate has also the propensity to rationalize almost anything in one’s own favor in defense of the indefensible.
Brotherhood means membership means proof of validity in word, deed and action to reinforce a bond no matter how misguided the philosophy behind it is.
It is a small token that the script makes it seem that love can cast and break any spell and rewrite ones future but it also shows that the past will come and collect its due. Self-hatred breeds fear which breeds hate which can be used to manipulate the impressionable who look for a brotherhood for validation of their right to exist and the once oppressed once he feels save in numbers becomes the oppressor.
We are all victims of this cycle of psychological violence and because we still carry this fear in us we also carry the hate that was caused through it.
Brotherhood is a movie about a small fringe group but describes like any well crafted parable the human dilemma which is our need to feel that we belong.
Once we are deprived of that urge nobody can predict how we end up compensating for it. Some use it to their advantage and become better persons better artists less codependent or more sufficient in business others stay stuck in self loathing and take a different turn and negative projection onto others replaces rational thought and the mind becomes a weapon of choice to condone to kill someone else’s spirit.
Brotherhood offers no hope neither for hate nor love both seem flawed substitutes for the missing link; a spiritual platform that transcends the separating aspects of duality.
It’s not against the other not my brotherhood against yours but the realization that there is no other but the realization that there is no other only one humanity and that the enemy lives inside and it is our self that has not connected to a greater cause as of yet.
To just love one another means one has to have found a more profound love than just romantic love a love that does not separate but unites what is separated.
Love is just a decision away just like hate and is us who decides because no one can make you decide that for you unless you give up your self.
When you decide to hate someone you have slid to the opposite site of the same scale that also contains love on the other spectrum. Both are flawed but only love is worth living for. Hatred is not even worth dying for.
xoxo
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